I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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