I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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