ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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