I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
