Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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