Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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