Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
