ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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