Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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