I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
