Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
