i was born a porn star she said
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
well you can't waste a boner
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
