yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
She even gives head with a lisp.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
