I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
