so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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