you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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