i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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