Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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