My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
