Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Randomize
