Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
