Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
