Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I smell like Dick and happiness
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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