Bisexual people are plain selfish.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
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