Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I have already put on my inside pants.
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