Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
