I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I want to have your abortion
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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