She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
