Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
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