problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
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The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
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Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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