Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
