in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Randomize
