If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
