So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
