my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
