Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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