He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
