you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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