I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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