Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
