I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
