DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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