walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
