Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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