who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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