Sponge bath it is.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
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