My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
