Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Don't tell me you're on acid again
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
