she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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