I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Come share oat with me in your robe
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Randomize
