Your face is a jimmy john
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
