On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
The air was thick with penises
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
