If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
