fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
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