Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
