Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
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