I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
