just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
