frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Randomize
