I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
