and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
