3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
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You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
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