I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
