The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
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