I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
