yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Randomize
