In America we eat man semen.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
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