How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
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