Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
