toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
