drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
