No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
