I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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