I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
