I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
