I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
