My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
