Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
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Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
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that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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