whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
