We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
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