They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
