Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
