I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
