If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
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