did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
