Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
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