Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
